Memorial Day Memories

By...Erik Schuman

Today is Memorial Day. I stated my thoughts about this a few weeks ago. Memorial Day is a day to remember all those who died in active military service. We should not be spending one day remembering those who died fighting for our country. We should spend 365 (or 366) days remembering them. My father and all of my uncles were drafted and thus served. Kudos to all of them.

I decided to dedicate this entry to my family. And to point out the one moment I most remember with them. I was going to include my grandparents but instead I will wait until September when it is Grandparent’s Day and remember them that way and in their own space. I am doing this age-wise except the spouses of my siblings is done right after the sibling and not age wise since my B-I-L is older than my S-I-L but my brother is older than my sister.

Father: My father is a real “people person.” He loves being around as many people as he can. He doesn’t care about your race, sex, religion, nationality, height, weight, skin color and everything else. He cares about WHO you are not WHAT you are. This pandemic is driving him crazy since it is keeping him from being out with people. He has been like this for the length of my life. When we were younger mom would tell dad dinner would be ready in, say, 5 minutes. Dad would then rush out to see a neighbor while waiting. Ten minutes later when he had not returned we went looking for him. We would call the neighbors. Back then there was no “Caller ID” but when the phone rang at this house, he was at he knew who it was and what we wanted. He would leave and the person answering would say he just left. And he did. Dad is also (in)famous for asking what he can do to help with dinner as it is being placed on the table. One time, though, he actually was there when mom needed him. Mom made spaghetti for the five of us. Dad asked if he could help and mom said he could bring the sauce to the table. So, he picked up the pot and brought it to the table. He went to place it down on the tablecloth covered bar-like table we had. The only problem was – the table did not extend out quite as far as he thought it did. We ended up having pizza for dinner that night because the pot fell on the floor and splattered everywhere. Multiple decades later that might have been the last time he helped – and we let him – with dinner preparations.

Mother: I have lived most of my life in California. But for about 18 months I lived in Illinois when dad got a job out there. It encompassed ages 7 to 9. Back then when adults went to a party in the neighborhood they rarely got a babysitter. Instead they locked the doors and every so often came home to check up on the kids. I know this would never happen now but back then this was S.O.P. So, one New Year’s Eve the parents went a few doors down to a party. Mom made fondue. She was carrying the pot to the party when she stepped on black ice. The pot went flying. She tried to save it. It perfectly landed in a snowbank and was fine. Mom – not so much. Mom broke her arm. When we woke up in the morning we found out what happened to mom. Mom and dad told me that because I was the oldest child (Siblings are slightly more than three years younger than me) I had to help with the cooking and laundry. That turned out to be a massive blessing in disguise. I was pushed into the kitchen at a very early age. As expected, I was awful when I started. But eventually the “light bulb” went off and I got the hang of things and became a really good cook. I still am today. Many of my friends are clueless in the kitchen. Not me. Nor my siblings. We are all very good cooks. I am not sure that would be the case if mom did not break her arm so what turned out to be awful turned into the exact opposite.

Brother: My brother and sister are twins. He is one-minute older. You could not find two people more unalike than them. If they were not related there is a 0% chance they would have been friends since they would have hung out with a different group of people. Even though I am 3-years-older we hung out together more than he did with sis. From Grades 5-8 we rode our bikes to school together. Me being older “taught” him all of things an older brother does – and stuff he was better off not learning or doing. When he was 9, my parents took all of us, and my cousin Burton/Ted (Don’t ask) to the Pacific Northwest. We went as far North as Vancouver and then back down to Lake Oswego where my Uncle Earl (Dad’s youngest bro) lived. While in Vancouver we took a ferry somewhere. We got some food at the ship’s dining place. It was an ala carte place where you pay for every item you order. My brother thought it was an all-you-can-eat place. He loaded up his tray with practically every item there thinking it was all one price. It was not. His tray looked pretty much like this:

We had to sit him in the middle of the boat or else it would have looked like the ending credits to the Flintstones when their rib order arrived.

To his credit he ate everything. On the way home the airline we flew had a contest. The person with the biggest hole in their socks (or stockings for women) got some cheap bottle of champagne. There were women ripping holes in their stockings. All my brother, father and I did was take off our shoes. We had holes the size of the Grand Canyon in them. Mom was mortified. My cousin Burton/Ted was outraged since his mother got him new socks for his visit to CA (He lived in Illinois). My brother “won” the competition and got the bottle. If my brother discovered a cure for cancer dad would not have been as proud as he was for the socks. When we got home mom went out the next day and bought us all new socks (For the record she is also the one who drank most of the champagne, too – although my siblings and I shared in it even though none of us were even teenagers).

S-I-L: I have known her since around Christmas, 1999 when she started dating my brother. She is an amazing woman who overcame a lot of early life struggles that not many are able to advance past. Thinking up something for her was the hardest of the bunch because there really isn’t one moment that stands out. In order for a moment to stand out it has to be something above and beyond what is normal and with her few stand out because everything with her is above and beyond what is normal. The one moment that stood out to me happened a few years ago. We went to Urth Caffe in Laguna Beach for a weekend brunch meal (FWIW: This location is the best of all of them and is a place I cannot recommend highly enough – fabulous food at reasonable prices and the view looking out at the Pacific Ocean is awesome). It was nice to eat here and then we made the short drive to a place called “Top of the World” and did some hiking. The view up there is even more amazing than at Urth. We hiked it for a good 90 minutes and just had fun doing it. For those who love to hike a parlay of Urth and this hike are hard to beat.

Sister: When my sister turned 21 I took her to Vegas for the first time as an “adult” (I took my brother 16 months earlier when he was 14 months shy of his 21^st birthday and he had no trouble sitting down at the tables and playing games). The hotel that is now the Stratosphere was “Vegas World” back then. Bob Stupak owned it. He was brilliant at marketing his hotel. It was a dump, but he made it a place to visit. He had an offer: $396 for a pair of nights if checking in Sunday through Wednesday Night and $400 in quarters. So, we did that. I took her on a Sunday in August. When we got to Vegas it was the usual 400-million degrees. What we didn’t know is the hotel was putting in a pool. Because of the heat they had to start construction around 5 am. 5 am in Vegas is like 2 am everywhere else. We heard the pounding and could not sleep past the start time even though we were 20+ floors up. We ended up winning a nice chunk of change. While there we were at the Stardust when we saw Wayne Gretzky had been traded to the LA Kings. Sis now wanted to go to games, so I got some tickets for her and my brother for that coming season. When the Kings moved to Staples Center she never got to see a game because she lived in Vegas and had since 1993. From 2015-17 she came out early for Thanksgiving and we went to see a Kings’ game at Staples. It was awesome to do this. It made us feel 25+ years younger. We were supposed to go again in 2018 until I encountered what I would later find out was cancer. I look forward to being able to go again with her sometime down the line although odds are the next time we see a Kings game it will be in Vegas when they play the Knights and we get to experience one of the most unreal pre-game experiences out there.

B-I-L: My family is one that shows emotions. They embrace and hug people. My brother-in-law was raised in a family where that is not done. He loves you. Ha cares about you. But he is not one to show it. We have no problem with that because that is just the type of person he is and always will be. He is a great husband to my sister and father to my nephew and both are lucky to be able to say that. When his son was around a year, or two, old, he loved holding him in his arms with his arms extended in front of his body. He would then flip the boy in the air seeing him do a few revolutions in the air. His son loved it. He laughed and smiled the entire time. Was it the smartest thing to do? Probably not. I have a long-time friend who saw this and to this day, some 20+ years later, he still talks about it. I wish we got it on video. Then again maybe it is best we don’t.

Older Niece: She is the oldest of my nephew/nieces but I have known her for less time than my nephew. I have known her for about 20 years. She is the daughter of my S-I-L. Yet from Day One we have treated her the same as every other member of the family. She is a major Tomboy. She played soccer and actually made a few appearances for the Cal State Northridge Women’s Soccer team. For some time she has wanted to be a police officer. She went to the academy and graduated last January 10. I could not make her ceremony because I was in too much pain to do so (It would be another month until I found out I had cancer). I was there January 30, 2019 when she got officially sworn in for the city she now works for. It was nice to see her fulfill the goal she had. We all took pictures with her. Looking at those pictures is tough because the way I was but also great because of how proud we all are of her. I have to be nice to her to make sure she doesn’t do something like this to me...and knowing her like I do I know she very well might, if pushed.

Nephew: I became an Uncle for the first time on December 20, 1997 when my nephew was born. It took a few months for my sister (his mother) to bring him out to us in SoCal. When she did it was awesome to hold him in my arms. I was the silly uncle. The one who played all sorts of games with him. I didn’t care how stupid I looked. All I cared was that he laughed and had a smile on his face. When he 13, he came out to visit. I figured I would be the good uncle and take him to Hooters for the first time. I wanted to take him to see all of the pretty women he would soon be chasing later on in life. The servers were nice and all of them took a picture with him. You can see the smile on his face. It was somewhat forced and not real because a handful of years later he told us he was gay. No one in the family cared. We love him just as much today as before he told us. But it is something we all look back on and laugh at. He posted this picture on his Instagram page and his friends are howled in laughter at it. When he gets married this pic will be displayed there.

Younger Niece: She was born June 2, 2007. I waited a few days for her parents to recover from her birth, so I met her for the first time June 4 when she was two days old. Like my nephew I was the crazy/silly uncle who played all sorts of silly games with her. She has another uncle, but he lives in Vegas and rarely sees her. He loves her every bit as much as I do but she sees him very rarely – although she sees him more now that Zoom and the like exist. From Kindergarten through 5^th grade I picked her up from school around once a week. I usually drove her back to her house or soccer practice. But one day in September 2013 I drove her back home. THIS GIRL CAN EAT! She would come over and eat like she had a hollow leg. It wasn’t uncommon for her to eat more than one hot dog, chips, juice and ice cream. And still be hungry later on. She loved watching TV when she came over, too. She loved watching “SpongeBob SquarePants” because he older cousin (my nephew) did, too (And because I watched with my nephew I love SpongeBob, too and I love the fact it is like “Rocky and Bullwinkle” in that it is written for kids and adults with kids not fully understanding things the way adults do). So, on this day she watched the show. I was behind her and secretly recorded a video of her singing along to the opening them song, without her knowing. When she saw the video, she was mortified. She asked – demanded – I delete it from my phone. That I did. After saving it to my computer. Like my nephew, when she gets married this is something that will be played at it although not by me since she has said if I play it I will not be invited.

Dog: Growing up I was allergic to animals, so we were not supposed to have any. Growing up we had a fair amount of cats because they would adopt my sister (People do not adopt cats – it is the other way around and there is no disputing that). She has a heart of gold, especially when it comes to animals. I loved having all of the cats we had. But on December 3, 2016, mom rescued a dog. I have mentioned that here before. At first the dog was scared of us and it is hard to blame her. We don’t know her exact history, but it is easy to see her past life was not an enjoyable one. We know she was abandoned, abused and had to live life on the streets for some time. It infuriates us all knowing this but there is nothing we can do about Velvet’s past life. We make sure she has a great life now. I mentioned this last week but last year when I came home after all six of my chemo visits the one thing I looked forward to was coming home, opening the door and seeing her waiting for all of us, and me. I was dead tired. You could smell me before you could see me. All I wanted to do was go to bed and sleep. But every single time the very first thing I did was sit on the couch, have her come up next to me and spend a good 5-10 minutes petting her and enjoying seeing her tail wag at a lethal speed. She is a dive. She is a pain in the ass. But there is no way to put into words how much we love her. Here she is doing one of the few "tricks" she knows - rolling over so we can rub her belly - something she loves more than just about anything in life, other than food.