Weekly Musings

IF IF you like it……by erik schuman IF you don’t………by someone else the word IF is in a multi-way tie for the third shortest word in the english language. i’d love to give an exact count of how many other two-letter words there are but in trying to determine it i ran across some sites that said there are 600+ two-letter words (most scrabble related) and some that said 100+ (non-scrabble related). since the focus of this is not that but about the word IF i will just say it is tied with many other words. while the word IF might be one of the shortest words it is among the most impactful. we all know words like: cancer, love, hitler, assault, fun – as well as many more elicit strong thoughts and emotions just hearing them said. but the word IF might be the most impactful word in the english language or any other language. that is because the word IF is almost always used to express regret and rarely for something good. who can forget these 3 wishes from those dorothy met in th

Happy Birthday? To Me!...and...WHAT THE @#%^%$ ARE YOU THINKING!!! By.............Erik Schuman Today is April 20. Today is my Birthday! Of all days to be born mine is the one day of the year those who enjoy doing something that was illegal for a long time but no longer is, celebrate doing and is something I have never done and have no desire to do. Others lucky enough to be born on April 20 include Miranda Kerr, Carmen Electra, Jessica Lange, Luther Vandross (RIP), George Takei, Don Mattingly and many more. Sadly that list also include Adolf Hitler although as I have said for some time: If that is the only comparison people make with the two of us I will be very happy and better to be born on the same day as him than never be born at all. I’d like to say “Happy Birthday to Me” but I think you will understand why I am unable to do so. I am unable to celebrate with my entire family because we have to maintain “social distancing” for the rest of April. Thankfully, we can use

Second (To None) By...Erik Schuman ***BEFORE you read any further – STOP! Use your “Stopwatch” function on your phone and time how long it takes to read this – then post the time below*** One second. One-sixtieth of a minute or slightly more than 1%. The same as the fat content in the milk I use every morning for my cereal. For the record my favorite cereal is Kellogg’s Crispix unless I want something awful and full of sugar in which case I go for Frosted Flakes or Peanut Butter Cap’n Crunch (I blame my sister Kathy for this since growing up she always made sure we had sugary cereals in the house...and I know once she reads this she will be calling me and chewing me out for saying this – even though it is true and she knows it). Did you know you can blink your eyes at least three times in a single second? Unless you are an attractive woman looking at me and in that case you will blink your eyes three times...per day (Must be all of that Mascara affecting her eyes and

Silence is Deafening by....Erik Schuman Over the course of my life I have accumulated a rather large list of sayings that have stuck with me for a variety of reasons. To list them all would make “War and Peace” look like a short story. Some of them include: “That’s the Fact, Jack!”: One of the zillions of classic lines from the awesome movie “Stripes." “Think McFly, Think”: What Biff tells George McFly in my all-time favorite movie “Back to the Future” with Marty McFly (Who was later George’s son...complicated, I know, but if you saw the movie you understand and if you have not you need to see it) looking on. “Hope for the Best...Expect the Worst”: Even in the best of time this is solid advice. Expect the worst to happen because if it does not you find yourself in a much better situation. When in Vegas and I either play a table game or bet on a sporting event I go in expecting to lose my bet(s) and all of the money I brought with me. I HOPE that does not h