Happy Birthday? To Me!...and...WHAT THE @#%^%$ ARE YOU THINKING!!!

By.............Erik Schuman

Today is April 20. Today is my Birthday! Of all days to be born mine is the one day of the year those who enjoy doing something that was illegal for a long time but no longer is, celebrate doing and is something I have never done and have no desire to do. Others lucky enough to be born on April 20 include Miranda Kerr, Carmen Electra, Jessica Lange, Luther Vandross (RIP), George Takei, Don Mattingly and many more. Sadly that list also include Adolf Hitler although as I have said for some time: If that is the only comparison people make with the two of us I will be very happy and better to be born on the same day as him than never be born at all.

I’d like to say “Happy Birthday to Me” but I think you will understand why I am unable to do so. I am unable to celebrate with my entire family because we have to maintain “social distancing” for the rest of April. Thankfully, we can use Zoom to “meet” and celebrate. We did that on Easter Sunday to celebrate my older niece’s birthday and things worked out well. It is also hard to celebrate when the number of people close to death, escaping death or experiencing death is a frightfully high number that shows no sign of slowing down any time soon.

This actually marks the second straight year my birthday sees me unable to really celebrate. Last year was for a much different reason. As I mentioned in my first entry, last year saw me battle Stage 4 Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma for five months. Last April 20 I was two weeks removed from my second treatment and one week away from my third (of six). Anyone who has gone through Chemotherapy knows how brutal a drug it is. Effective. But brutal. I will cover this more on May 18 but let’s just say on April 20, 2019, celebrating when I had no hair on my body, no energy or stamina and down 30+ pounds wasn’t tops on my mind. Although if I had someone like Marilyn Monroe singing to me, I would enjoy that!

This got me thinking about birthdays in general. When we are young, we love them. Our parents throw a party at some nice place, we get a lot of gifts and we are the center of attention for a day. But at some point in time that stops, and birthdays are celebrated with a lot less fanfare.

After our first birthday, what is there to celebrate? And it’s not like any of us had any clue what was going on when we were 365 (or 366) days old? My youngest niece was born June 2. We actually waited until July to celebrate because it worked out best for the family. When I told her this she was outraged! But knowing all she did was sit on her mother’s lap or be passed around among family members – who cares. She got to eat some cake, so she was happy (The ironic thing is now she is not a fan of cake but looooooooves ice cream). She is like most kids in that she does have some rather big birthdays coming up in the next 12 years:

• 13: We are now a teenager (The youngest niece will be this age in about six weeks and now has her own IG account and it is exactly what one would expect from someone her age – sigh! Don't even get me started on her Tik Tok account!).
• 16: We are now old enough to get a Driver’s License.
• 18: We are now considered an adult and can vote. We can now also legally buy a Playboy Magazine although now that it is legal it is no longer something we desire to do (Playboy no longer publishes a print issue, though so doing this is out). Buying it when under 18 was the challenge.
• 21: We are now legal to do all of the things we did illegally for the last year, or more. We can now drink alcohol, gamble and more. Unless you are my cousin Heidi in which case you got to do all of this when you were around 19 years old. I figure the Statute of Limitations is over so I can safely say this. Many years ago, when technology wasn’t what it is today, my sister told the DMV she lost her license. She did not, but when it came time to get a new one, my cousin Heidi stepped in and took the picture since the two of them look a lot alike. Heidi now had a legal CA Driver’s License she could use to get into bars and drink because it said she was 21. That could never happen today but just like buying the Playboy when underage, things were a whoooooooole lot different decades ago.
• 25: We are now old enough to rent a car without paying a massive extra fee per day to do so.

After 25 what other birthdays are ones we look forward to happening? 40? No. 50? FFFFFFFFF NO! Maybe 65 but seeing as how that is 40 years after 25 and the number of people who make it to 25 but not 65 is a massive number – not so sure about this?

I know the saying “Age is but a number” sounds nice but while that is true for some for most it is not. We see those in Hollywood look great in their 60s and beyond, but they do so by spending a lot of money. Good for them. I am not here to decry what they are doing but for the other 99% of us going for weekly Botox/Collagen treatments and somewhat regular face lifts is not something we can do or even desire to do. Except for Elizabeth Hurley. I am going to need a new laptop because I am going to smash mine to pieces if Yahoo doesn’t stop running a weekly picture of the 54-year-old Hurley in a bikini saying how great she looks for her age. Or even worse how she and her 18-year-old SON look alike (Sad part is they do as you can see here in this pic with Mom on the left and Son on the right. Seriously!).

I was all set to end this here. But considering what has taken place the last few days I simply cannot do that.

I started doing this because I wanted something to be able to express my thoughts and say whatever it is I wanted to say. I had only ONE rule: NO POLITICS! This Country has never been more politically divided than it is now. I did not want to contribute to the divisiveness. I am going to fulfill my goal here. I hope!

With all that is going on Worldwide with the Covid-19 Coronavirus it has made things very hard for us all. The ONLY way to beat this to do stay safe, stay six-feet away form people and make sure this dreaded virus gets killed off before it kills off every single one of us. So far we have done a good job of sticking to guidelines.

But the last few days has seen things go to HELL! And HELL is where all of these people belong. If any of them get the Virus they need to be told to go home and since it is a Hoax it will go away on its own. It probably won’t and it might kill them but after seeing all of this one can only hope that happens!

We start off on April 15 with Bozo Charlatan Dr. Oz saying schools should be re-opened even if doing so causes 2 to 3% in terms of school mortality. Dr. Oz has FOUR grandchildren all age 6, or less. Tell ya what Mr. Oz (I can’t call a jerk like this a Doctor) when you sacrifice the lives of your FOUR grandchildren to back up what you said I will be OK with schools opening up again. To the shock of NO ONE Oz backpedaled on what he said what the shit hit the fan as did Mr. Phil (Can’t call him a Doctor since he has not had a medical license for over 20 years!):

I live near Huntington Beach, CA. Friday, April 17, this city made national news. Not because of something the city leaders did but rather people who chose to come to “Surf City.” They chose to protect “Social Distancing” by having a large gathering and getting as close to others as they would if things were normal. Check out the moron in the beginning who has a sign “Covid-19 is a lie” while wearing a mask and protective outfit. If Covid-19 really is a “lie” why are you wearing this! JERK!

Saturday at the same HB location a different group of Developmentally Disabled people (they don’t know it – but they are) once again protested. Here we have one woman with a sign in front of Baskin Robbins. When Patrick Henry uttered these famous words at the Second Virginia Convention on March 23, 1775 at St. John’s Church in Richmond, I doubt he had this in mind almost 250 years later. As a cancer survivor I don’t with death on anyone. But if she can’t get “Liberty” seeing her get what else she wanted wouldn’t be such a bad thing and doing it eating Mango Temptation is not that bad, too.

My only hope is that those who congregated at Huntington Beach the past few days, as well as many other places across America, don't have any kids so the dumb ass gene dies with them and is not handed down to future generations.